I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
