So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
