Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
