Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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