I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
