Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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