2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
