Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
