For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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