if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
