you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
