so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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