im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize