Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
