So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
