Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
