Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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