haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
