You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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