I wish I could teleport
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
