Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
