mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
