If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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