Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
