ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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