im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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