I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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