By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
