my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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