we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
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