any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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