You just made me feel so damn special
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
please come you make the beer taste better
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
