sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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