At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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