did you get engaged???
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
