This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
