proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
