Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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