Pappa wants mamma naked
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
