Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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