I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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