Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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