I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Alive.
So much puke
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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