found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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