Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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