I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
