I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
