so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Success! We fucked roommates!
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