can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
