I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
