i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
