You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
