I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
