pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
