Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
