Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
