Nicole vs. Life
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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