You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
