Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
