ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
