It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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