It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
