i wish my penis had a tongue
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
