I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
